As a young professional working in a rural school system, I oversaw the Chapter I tutoring program. I often met parents of students whom did not qualify for formal Special Education accommodations. Parents would come to me seeking advice for what to do with their troubled child.
Parents would often ask; “How could they help their child?”, “What were they doing wrong?”, “Why were their children failing?” I found myself making hasty judgments about their parenting skills. In my mind, there should be nothing easier than raising a child. I would think to myself the parents needed more discipline at home, more structure and routine, and to spend more quality time with their children. This would definitely improve behavior and lead to fewer problems at school. I found myself wishing the parents would “get a grip” when talking about their child and not be so emotional, or frazzled. If they could simply do this, their child wouldn’t sense there were problems.
In a perfect world, without reality, my hasty generalizations would be true. I have learned through life’s experience, as a parent to five children, two of which have special needs, there are no easy answers. In a perfect world, there would be someone to listen to you, doctors who would diagnosis psychological problems at the first try. People wouldn’t yell at you in the grocery store to get control of your child who has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). You would get a full night’s sleep, and wake up refreshed, to smiling children who cooperate. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
My judgments changed, when I was placed in similar situations with my special needs sons. It took several years, to find a doctor who could diagnosis my child, with the neurological disorder of Tourette’s Syndrome, (OCD), ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. I had tried to have a structured home, consistent discipline, and a good home environment. I sat through many useless meetings with school personnel, Principals, and Superintendents who tried to isolate my son, and destroyed his self esteem by belittling him and allowing others to do the same, all because they didn’t understand what Tourette’s Syndrome involved. We were told by school professionals and other parents alike, we needed to discipline more, and the problems were at home. This was because it was the only place my son felt safe enough to let out all of his tics and frustration at once. It was exhausting to us as parents, and often times we would look frazzled from lack of sleep, and stress. We were isolated in the community and had many labels put on our family because of the lack of education and understanding for our family’s disorder. There isn’t anything I could have done differently. These are examples of hasty and judgmental people. I am the parent, like the ones I placed my hasty judgments on.
My opinion of parents who have children with special needs is completely different. My life’s experiences have taught me to have compassion and a listening ear for others frustrations. My children have taught me how to be an advocate for others. This skill and experience alone is a tool worth sharing. Many times the greatest help would have been to have a shoulder to cry on when things seemed at their worst. I am now equipped to do this. School should be a magical experience for everyone, especially for those with special needs. My reformed attitude will allow me to help make the school experience, better than it was for my two boys.
I am prepared to be the teacher who cares, is full of encouragement for everyone and helps the children realize they CAN overcome adversity, and become successful. Together we can help make the world a better place for anyone with special needs through education.
I haven't been far away, just not on the blogsphere this summer. I think I have finally caught up on sleep, and house work, (I am wishing I was) but laundry is a definate, yes. We haven't been making many fancy trips, or hallejuah visits, just having relaxing summer days, and realizing my life is now "Mom's Taxi and Carpool".
Hopefully I will be back full strength in the next few weeks when the kids go to school, and share my aw ha moments in motherhood, as well as my joys and triumphs in heading into a completely new phase in life.
Some of our exciting accomplishments, this summer:
We have graduated from diapers to underwear for the last time. The last of a legacy of 15 years in diapers, and changing diapers. Someone has always been in diapers, and I got out of this stage before it was me in diapers. WHEW!!! Conner is officially potty trained, and can independently go and take care of it himself. Although we are usually wearing everything backwards, it is at least on and covering all the important parts. And just a word for the wise, don't call the little door in the front of boys underwear a pocket, it may become a stashing place for all the pennies in the house. Conner couldn't figure out why the money wasn't staying in there.
We have gone through voice changes, and hair growth, Tanner is officially sporting a "fuzz-stash" on his upper lip. It has been long awaited, and now he isn't sneaking off to shave. He is letting it grow to show it off. I also noticed, that he is sporting some nice muscle difinition on his arms, and legs, from working out with Cross Country, and girls are no longer taboo. We are admitting with smiles we are sort of interested. In 2 weeks, we will move to the high school phase, of life, with the big changes, and new vocabulary for parents. We are stocking up on zip ties for sagging pants, and learning to cut the apron strings a bit more.
As for Me, I closed my preschool, with bittersweet feelings, ready to move on to new adventures. I realized I needed to re-evaluate "the Plan" and that in 2 years I will no longer have any children at home during the day, as Conner heads off to Kindergarten. The Plan was that I would finish my degree. Well, it is a lot easier now than it ever was, and I have found an accredited online university that I will be able to finish my teaching certification, and degree. I will be ready and prepared to re-enter the official work force, if all goes well, when Conner goes into Kindergarten or First grade. So here is on to fulfilling life long dreams, and sharing my experiences with others.
I just finished, my entrance exam to Western Governors University, and completed my essay which I will post later. It was nerve wracking after 20 years of being out of that environment. But you know what, I think it is coming back little by little. Maybe ask me after the first semester ends. It seems weird to open this door again- and venture in.
Here's moving on to new phases, and adventures in life, and reminiscing about the ones we have conquered, in the past.
Well, it has been a whirlwind of a month. We have had many events and adventures. I had to make the executive decision that I just couldn't squeeze in blogging with everything else going on. So if you are interested in catching up with us, have a seat, and scroll down and enjoy!
